What does one do when their spouse “wilts” at any criticism? Here, pointing out slurped tea would result in hurt feelings, so one has to suck it up or pay the price. There is no way to get a criticism across without the fallout.
It is a really good question and in fact I have written a whole article for Psychology Today on just this issue. When it is published, I will share it in this space too. But, answering you directly, I would get curious. Ask something like "I would really like to understand why you find criticism so difficult, could you explain what happens to you?" Follow it up with some more curious questions: "What happens in your body?" "What thoughts do you get?" When you truly understand where your partner is coming from, ask the final and most important question: "How can I give you feedback about something that bothers me without it coming across as criticism?" Good luck.
Was so blown away by the July 6 post that I came back and reread this one, and I’m gonna go back and read a few more that are hitting a little differently now. Thank you for sharing these insights.
Great advice. For a relationship to last, both sides would have to work together, which often involves sacrifices and compromising in various forms.
What does one do when their spouse “wilts” at any criticism? Here, pointing out slurped tea would result in hurt feelings, so one has to suck it up or pay the price. There is no way to get a criticism across without the fallout.
It is a really good question and in fact I have written a whole article for Psychology Today on just this issue. When it is published, I will share it in this space too. But, answering you directly, I would get curious. Ask something like "I would really like to understand why you find criticism so difficult, could you explain what happens to you?" Follow it up with some more curious questions: "What happens in your body?" "What thoughts do you get?" When you truly understand where your partner is coming from, ask the final and most important question: "How can I give you feedback about something that bothers me without it coming across as criticism?" Good luck.
Brilliant advice as always. Thanks, Andrew
I appreciate the feedback - so glad it was helpful.
Was so blown away by the July 6 post that I came back and reread this one, and I’m gonna go back and read a few more that are hitting a little differently now. Thank you for sharing these insights.